6 Years
by SammiSunshine00
Summary: It's a strange thing, not being afraid. It is innately part of every animal's defense mechanism. Fear is what will ultimately kill you or save you. This wasn't the case for Clarke because there was absolutely nothing to be afraid of, until now. - Continuation of S4 finale. Bellarke - Slow burn. Reviews are greatly appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

It's a strange thing, not being afraid. It is innately part of every animal's defense mechanism. Fear is what will ultimately kill you or save you. This wasn't the case for Clarke because there was absolutely nothing to be afraid of, until today.

For the last six years, the earth was silent, still, void of life, minus the 1,200 people that were hundreds of miles away stuck in an underground bunker, and of course, Clarke. All of the wildlife, the greenery, the forests; everyone and everything were gone.

A few weeks after the death wave, Clarke finally healed enough from the exposure to the radiation to begin her plan to survive. She had been living on rations, but she knew that would only keep her for a few months, and she stuck there for the next five years. After finding Becca's notebooks, textbooks and other research material on algae farms, she went to work. It took her weeks before she got the hang of it but she did, and soon she was growing her own food.

The hardest part was the solitude. Even the most excruciating pain would not compare to the torture that was being alone and confined for so long. After the first year, she would scream into the void as loud and for as long as she could, trying to find some semblance of sanity. Other days she would have imaginary conversations with Bellamy or her mother, using words she knew they would only use, saying things they would only say.

Nearly a year ago, the sunlight dripped off of her skin for the first time in half a decade. It felt so foreign, and so absolutely freeing. The earth was still scorched for as many miles as her eyes could see, but the perimeter of the lab had begun flourish. Small plants were sprouting from the ground, patches of grass found their way through the burnt earth and there were even small bugs crawling along the charred remains of tree trunks.

Her first thought was Polis, the bunker, her mother. They would still be alive if they had stuck to the plan they had devised 5 years ago. A day later she began her trek to Polis. The rover that was left needed too many repairs and she needed to go as soon possible.

It took her close to a week to reach what was once the teeming city of Polis. She found the area that the bunker should have been, but the debris was too large and too heavy and there was no way to go through. She tried for days, anything she thought of. The radio she brought was no use, there was no signal and no one had responded. It was an impossible feat since she was the only one there. She needed help and she had none.

She left, defeated and angry, and headed back to the lab, hoping that the help she needed and wanted were on their way.

Today marked a year and two months since Clarke had stepped outside again. She was laying on top of the rover that was now running. Her satellite was set up with her radio, as it always was. She had the radio on her chest and she would speak into it every now and again. It was a ritual at this point, doing the same thing every day at the same time

She was just about to shut off her radio and wrap it up for the day, when a loud noise broke the silence. She bolted upwards, half jumping, half falling off of the rover.

A spaceship had broken into the atmosphere and was headed for the ground. Just as Clarke thought it was going to crash, it leveled out, and hovered near the ground. She grabbed her rifle and looked through the scope to survey the ship. 'Prisoner transport' was stamped onto the side of it, but there were no other notable markings or symbols.

She didn't know who these people were or what they were doing here or if they were even her friends. But she knew she was afraid, and she hadn't felt fear in a very long time. 


	2. Chapter 2

Bellamy paced back and forth at the departure dock waiting for everyone to grab their things. They wouldn't be coming back this time so everyone was triple checking that they had everything they needed.

He only had one bag, stuffed with his clothes and a picture. He didn't bother accumulating things over the past 6 years. He figured there was no point. They would be headed back to the ground in no time.

The black of space contrasting with the brightness of the Ark shining on the window allowed him to see that he should have brushed his hair, shorter now, this morning. His beard had grown into a perpetual five o'clock shadow and there were signs of crows feet by his eyes.

"Hey!" echoed through the quiet hallway.

Bellamy pivoted to see Raven coming towards him.

"You packed way too much stuff. It's definitely not going to fit on the ship." She smiled, looking at his lone bag.

He smirked, a chuckled slipping out, "Yeah, I like to travel light."

She stepped closer to him, closing the space between them. "So this is it…"

He looked inquisitive. "Don't tell me you're getting cold feet now. You put in an entire extra year's worth of work to get the ship ready."

Raven looped her fingers into Bellamy' jacket pockets. "I'm not getting cold feet, I'm just nervous."

They had this conversation before. What if no one survived? What if earth was still inhabitable? What if their radiation level calculations were off? So many what ifs and not a enough definitive answers left a lot up to chance and that didn't sit right with any of them.

All of them decided that regardless of what became of earth and the people they left on it, they would try to thrive again. If they survived so far, they could survive anything. Well, anything but deadly levels of radiation. And starvation.

"I just hope they made it through in the bunker." Bellamy said, quietly. The past six years without knowing a single bit of information was the hardest thing he ever had to endure. The only thing that kept him from losing it more than he already did was the hope that Octavia was okay.

Bellamy stepped away from Raven, looking back at his reflection. He saw his sister in his freckles, and in the brown of his irises. She always looked back at him with solemn eyes and a furrowed brow.

"Bell…" Raven reached for his shoulder, gripping it softly. "Clarke… she would tell you stay positive, to anticipate the feeling of hugging your sister again, because you will."

Bellamy turned to Raven, his waterline immediately filled to the brim. They never spoke about what Clarke did. She gave her life so they could all live and none of them could ever bring themselves to utter the words out loud, except once.

In the beginning, there were nights when Echo or Murphy were up, roaming the Ark, and they would stumble into a sleepwalking Bellamy. Every time, he would say the same thing in his sleep, clearly having the same dream over and over again, "I left her. I left her. Clarke… Clarke." They all heard a variation of the same words every time.

There were also the nights when the pain was too unbearable to sleep through. It would eat at his organs and drill holes in his bones, scavenging for remnants of hope or happiness. In these moments, he understood Jasper's decision. There was no guarantee that his sister would survive the death wave, let alone the next five years, Clarke was gone, and then there was being stuck in the solitude of space.

It was the silence at first. They had forgotten about how quiet it could be. Earth was so loud, and awake. In space, there was just the void. At his worst, nearly a year in, Bellamy would stand at the door that looked just like the one he looked through when his mother as floated, his hand on the button.

Raven found him like this one night and pulled him away from the door.

"Clarke is dead and I didn't wait for her. I should have waited for her, Raven." Tears were falling down his face as he crumbled, sobbing uncontrollably. He would find hope again for his sister. She would survive anything, even an angry mob of 1,200 people for five years. But he knew Clarke was gone, there was no redemption, no hope, not a pinprick of a chance; she was just gone.

The pain he carried for Clarke drove stakes deep down into his heart, and now, 6 years later, they had only wedged a few millimeters out of place.

Bellamy nodded his head, agreeing with Raven. "She would say that it was all going to work out, to keep fighting."

Voices could be heard from down the hall, forcing them to compose themselves.

Bellamy sighed, "Thanks."

Raven reached up and kissed him, quickly on the lips, before pulling away.

"Thank me later. Let's get the hell out of here first." She said, walking towards the other five.


	3. Chapter 3

The seven were ready to go with their spacesuits on and bags in hand. They found an abandoned prisoner transport ship a few months in and Raven knew that would be their ride out of there. It was similar to the drop ship they had all once come down in, except larger in size.

Raven sat in the pilot seat, flipping switches and bringing things to life, while the rest of them sat in the back, strapped in, and holding on. Their faces were drawn and worried. There was so much uncertainty. No one knew what they would encounter after 6 yeas of being away. What became of earth after the death wave, and more importantly, what became of the people they left behind?

Raven took a deep breath and looked back at the people she shared her life with for the last 6 years, and nodded.

After she took off from the Ark one final time worries of her own began to creep up again. What if there was nowhere stable to land? What if the atmosphere wasn't as stable as they though it would be?

Her mind started to drift to another place then. Would her and Bellamy stay strong as a couple now that their circumstances were different? Would this cause them to drift apart? What if his sister didn't make it? The hope of seeing her again is what has been keeping him together all these years;.

Raven thought back to the second year they were on the ark. It was then that everyone finally stopped climbing the walls, and started to feel like this was their new normal. They had never experienced cabin fever before going to earth and knowing what fresh air and freedom felt like. It wasn't surprising that it took over a year for them to adjust to the confines of the ark, especially Echo.

Raven started sharing a room with Bellamy after his breakdown. It was supposed to be temporary, until he got better. She thought it would be better if he weren't by himself for a while.

The first moment happened when Raven was frustrated because her repairs on the ship weren't going well. She entered their room, slamming the door and throwing her tool bag across the floor.

Her back was turned towards Bellamy's bunk, unaware that he was there, until she felt a warm hand on her arm. She jumped slightly, under the impression that she was alone. She turned towards him, wiping her frustrated tears, and straightening up, trying not to seem weak.

"I'm fine. I'm just annoyed at this stupid ship." She said.

Bellamy looked down her face, black residue from engine parts covering her hands and neck.

"You're not fine. You've been working for nearly 6 months on this thing without a break. You need to a take a week, maybe two, off and just recharge. " Bellamy suggested.

"Since when are you qualified to tell me what I need?" she snapped.

In the past Bellamy would have just left it alone after that, but instead he pushed back.

"Why are you so defensive? I'm just trying to help you." Bellamy said, annoyed.

Raven grabbed her bag and began to head towards the door. "I don't need your help and it looks like you don't need mine anymore either."

Bellamy grabbed the door as she opened it, not allowing her to leave.

"Why are you doing this?" Bellamy asked, softly.

Raven looked into his eyes, confusion looking back at her.

Why was she so angry and frustrated at him? He didn't do anything wrong.

And then she realized there was a feeling that kept coming up ever since his breakdown and she just kept shoving it down and snuffing out any potential it could have.

And then she broke.

"So I don't have to do this." She reached up for Bellamy's face and kissed him on the lips, praying it would be mutual.

Bellamy stood still for a moment, slightly shocked and confused for a second before returning the kiss that was unexpected but welcomed after such a long time of no physicality with someone else.

This moment was forgotten just as quickly as it came. Days went by and they hadn't spoken a word about it.

The next moment wasn't for another few months, minus the looks of interest and hugs that lasted maybe a few seconds too long.

Raven made progress on the ship and Murphy made it is his personal mission to make hooch and everyone was testing his first successful batch to celebrate.

Their metal cups clinked together as they cheered for Raven's minor success.

"Didn't think you had it in you." Murphy joked.

Raven threw a balled up napkin at him.

"Seriously, I was getting worried." He said laughing.

"I believed in you." Monty said, taking a swig of his drink. "Mostly because I was the one getting yelled at everyday."

Everyone broke into laughter again and went on like that for along while.

Raven and Bellamy were walking back to their room a little more than drunk, stumbling into each other, slurring their words. They reached their door and Raven attempted to open it but it didn't budge.

"Since when do we lock the door?" she asked, giggling.

"Since this wasn't our room." Bellamy said, a grin stretching across his face as he pointed to the number on the door, which was not their room number.

Raven turned away attempting to find the right room, when Bellamy grabbed her arm.

"Wait." He started.

"This isn't our room." Raven stammered.

"I know. I… just wanted to… I'm not sure what this could be or if this is just a product of our situation but I want to…" Bellamy stroked the side of her face, pushing loose hair out of her eyes. "I want to if you want to."

Raven's big, brown eyes stared at him, sober in this moment. She pressed her body into his eyes, and rose up on her toes, and kissed his neck, trailing along his collarbones and his Adam's Apple, until she finally found his lips.

Softly, she whispered, "I want to," before closing any space left between them, and crashing her lips into his.

Years went by and it was easy, effortless; their relationship was a void of the drama created by other people and external pressures. It was just them and the other five.

Until now.


	4. Chapter 4

The ride was surprisingly smooth as they made there way back into Earth's atmosphere. Soon enough, they could start to see the ground, or rather what was left of it.

It was a sea of black, brown and grey from above, with bits of green. Their destination was the lab. They were going to see what they could salvage for supplies and if it was still habitable. Then they would head to the bunker and see if anyone had survived and made it out.

Bellamy sat still as the got closer and closer to the ground, his eyes closed, trying not to show all of the emotions he was feeling at this moment. Even though he was worried, there was a big chance he was finally going to see his sister again. They all might actually stand a chance in the wasteland they were about to land on. But mostly, he felt sad. They would be going to the last place he saw Clarke alive, the place where she sacrificed her life so that they could live.

He would go to the place where she died, the tower, when they were settled. By himself or with whomever wanted to go and he'd say a few things, or just thank her for what she did. Even after all of this time, he never felt like she was gone, even though he was certain she was.

"Found a place to land guys, make sure you are buckled in!" Raven shouted over the rumbling of the engine.

Clarke watched as the ship began to fall lower and lower towards the clearing by the lab. Her eye was trained through her scope, looking at the exit point of the ship.

Her breathing was rapid, rushing through her chattering teeth. This would be the first time she would see other humans in over six years. While they might be intruders, she was even more excited about the possible human interaction.

The ship docked itself and the door pressure released, falling towards the ground into stairs.

Clarke's heart pumped violently with anticipation and it was then, as the first face appeared, that her breath got caught in her throat, her lungs nearly seized up and stopped inflating.

It was Bellamy.

Clarke ran to the rover and grabbed her binoculars to get a better view. She had to be sure. She stared through the lens as they all exited the ship. Bellamy, Raven, Monty, Murphy… they were all there, they were back. Euphoria left her feeling light headed, all the blood rushing out of her head and into her heart.

She turned around in a circle, her hands over her temples. How would she show herself to them? They surely must have thought she died in primfaiya. She knew they could not have expected her to be alive all of this time.

Immediately, she began driving down towards the clearing and then midway realized maybe she should go on foot- she didn't want to startle them; murphy had a problem with shoot first, ask questions later.

She grabbed only the essentials and continued to make her way down to her friends, to her family.


	5. Chapter 5

Raven and most of the group had entered the lab already. Bellamy was helping Monty with a few things, but couldn't focus on much of anything since they landed.

"Monty." He said, quietly.

He was pulling crates out of the undercarriage of the ship as he responded. "Yeah, what's up?"

"I want to go up to the tower. To… to say goodbye." Bellamy said, his were averted towards the hill, pieces of the tower poking through the trees.

Monty stopped what he was doing, a shared sadness steadying him.

"Yeah man, why don't I get the group and we can all head up?" Monty suggested.

"Bellamy nodded. "Okay. I'll go first and make sure the path is clear." He finished, and began walking away.

"See you in a bit." Monty agreed, walking into the lab.

Bellamy stomped through the overgrowth on the hill as he tried to make his way up the hill. He was sweating by the time he reached the perimeter of the tower. Wild flowers were growing by the forest edge. He ripped a hand full of them from the dirt and continued onto the gravesite of his old friend.

The tower seemed to be hanging on by a thread, even more rusted and dilapidated than it was six years previous. Bellamy stopped at the crumbling structure; glad he was alone. His emotions were getting the best of him as he thought about leaving six years prior.

He dropped to one knee, placing the flowers on the ground. "Clarke, I don't know if you're somewhere up there, wherever _there_ is but, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry we didn't wait, that you had to _go_ alone-" his words were cut off by the boulder in his throat.

He roughly wiped away the imminent tears that had rolled down his cheekbones. "You were the only friend I ever had. The only real, true, best friend and I let you down. I love you, Clarke- I miss you."

Bellamy's head hung low, silent and remorseful, his silent sobs rolling through him.

Clarke jogged through the overgrowth, making her way down the hill towards the lab. Her heart sped with such joy and excitement, she had to do all she could to not sprint down the hill.

Something caught her eye as she made her way down, a person walking in the opposition direction as her. She stopped just as she was passing the old tower and saw that it was Bellamy. Her heart jumped into her throat- he was so close.

She stopped and waited to see where he was headed, unsure of why she didn't just sprint out of the forest towards him, but too curious to stop him. She crept forward so that she could get a better look at him.

He placed some flowers on the ground as she got close enough to see his face. He had a beard now, his hair was still the same mess, but he got slightly older in the face, he seemed sad though, like it had a part in aging him.

It was like the sadness sunk itself into his crow's feet and laugh lines making sure he wouldn't forget the bad parts of life. His eyes were the same though, bright and stubborn and kind.

He was speaking out loud to himself as Clarke crept forward a bit more to hear what he was saying. "The only real, true, best friend, and I let you down. I love you, Clarke- I miss you…"

Clarke's feet couldn't stay put any longer. She rushed out of the woods towards him as he crouched over his knee. She knew he was crying. He was crying for her, for a death that was not fulfilled. She needed him to know she was still there, still alive and that she had been waiting for him for six years.

Clarke reached him, and crouched down besides him. She grabbed his hand and held onto it between her palms.

"Bellamy…" she said softly. She felt him recoil slightly but then relax as he looked at her.

He looked at her, sort of dreamily, like he had just woken up from a nightmare.

She smiled, "I'm here. I'm alive. You don't have to be sorry, I'm okay."

He raised his hand to her face, stroking her hairline. "This can't be real…" he muttered, standing with her.

"Clarke!" Monty's voice broke the dreamy silence that had absorbed all of the sound between Clarke and Bellamy.

Something snapped into fast-forward in Bellamy's brain as Monty's voice broke across the clearing. Clarke was alive. She was there, standing in front of him. Clarke seemed like an illusion, a peace offering from the great beyond. But she was there, actually, physically alive and seemingly well.

He grabbed onto her shoulders just to be sure. She stared back at him with a smile he thought he would never see again.

"How?" he stammered. "You're… alive. You're here. I, I was just… but you're…how?"

She was about answer but was cut off but an all-embracing, rib crushing hug. Clarke was alive, she did not die six years ago and that daggers that had dug themselves deep into Bellamy's heart had all but disappeared and he was free of the pain that came with them.


	6. Chapter 6

Bellamy and Clarke hugged for a long while. It was as if they were trying to make up for all of the lost time. They had both changed so much in the last six years; they had become different people, living different lives. There was so much to learn, so much to know about each other.

Clarke was the first to break way from the embrace, realistically only lasting less than a minute.

"We saw the lab and knew you had to be here. We saw your things and rushed out to find Bellamy, and here you are!" Monty exclaimed, excitedly embracing Clarke.

Raven came up next, "You aren't human, girl." She said affectionately, hugging Clarke quickly.

Hugs went all around the group, and astonished questions started to spring up as they all wanted to know how Clarke had survived the last six years.

Several hours later they were all sitting in the lab in a half circle first listening to Clarke's story and the vice versa as she was updated with about they had accomplished in space.

Clarke couldn't help but notice that whenever Bellamy left the room, Raven's eyes followed, or whenever he spoke she would listen attentively. They hadn't touched or in the very least shown signs of affection for each other. But there was _something_ there, Clarke knew it.

The air was brisk and cool as Clarke stood outside by herself after hours of talking, catching up and being happier than she had been in so long. However, she had grown so used to being so absolutely alone, she felt overwhelmed, borderline nauseas after all of the stimulation. She thought she would have reacted oppositely, yet she was outside, breathing deeply, trying to steady herself.

"You okay?" Bellamy's voice drifted through the night air like an owl hooting in the distance.

Clarke looked at him as he joined her on the soft dirt. "Yeah, I just… needed some air."

He reached out to Clarke then, placing a hand on hers, squeezing it slightly.

"You were never gone." He whispered, trying to break free from the belief he held for the last six years.

Clarke was still trying to breathe deeply, but something jolted in her as Bellamy placed his hand on hers. She was absolutely starved for affection, for human touch and his fingertips sent shivers down her spine.

Words blurted out of her mouth before she could react to anything else.

"So you and Raven, huh?" she smirked, looking at Bellamy as he shifted. It was dark but she could tell he was surprised by her question.

"How could you tell?" He responded, quietly, as though telling a secret.

"The way she looks at you." Clarke replied, simply.

Bellamy nodded his head, "It started about a year and a half in. We were fighting, a lot. And then we weren't… I didn't realize I even had feelings for her and then we just decided that it was better to be together than to be alone."

That struck a nerve. Clarke chuckled cynically, "Alone." She rubbed her forehead trying to calm down.

"Clarke, I didn't mean-" Bellamy began.

"You have no idea what it means to be alone." She snapped, surprised by her own resentment and hostility. She was happy to see Bellamy and the group again, positively joyous, but something deep was gnawing at her.

"I nearly went crazy, I'm surprised I'm not hallucinating any of this right now. The solitude it was horrible." She stood abruptly walking to the top of the hill leading into the valley.

Bellamy followed, trying to console her, putting his hand on her shoulder, attempting to stroke her upper back. "I can't imagine." He muttered.

"I would scream, throw things, break things, anything to stop the silence. It wasn't hard at first, but after six or seven months- I didn't think I would make it." Clarke shivered as she spoke, the chills coming from her memories.

"How did you stay sane?" he inquired.

"I would talk to you." She said plainly, looking at him briefly. " And my mom. Sometimes my dad."

They stood silent, listening to the insects of the night.

"I never actually got to say this to you, but now that I can… I'm sorry. I'm sorry we left you. The entire time we were space, I never stopped thinking about how we could have waited a little longer or circled back. I never forgave myself. I know this doesn't make it better but I am truly sorry."

Clarke nodded, her arms crossed over her chest, as if she was holding herself together.

They looked out over the valley together, quietly. Clarke didn't mind the silence because for once she was not alone.


	7. Chapter 7

The rest of the evening passed in a blur. Bellamy and Clarke went back inside and continued chatting with the group and then one by one every one headed to a corner of the lab and fell asleep.

Clarke was the first one awake, excited about what the new day held. Her friends were back and that means she had help. They were heading for the bunker at first light. Raven was going to bring their remaining hydrazine to blow up the rubble that was encasing the bunker's hatch. Soon, Clarke would see her mother again.

She set out to pick some berries and catch some food for the trip. Clarke, Raven, Bellamy and Murphy were going to make the trip since the rover could only fit four. The rest would stay behind and make any preparations necessary if the 1,200 people needed to make camp in and around the lab. They didn't know how the well the bunker even held up and if total evacuation was necessary.

Clarke hunted quietly in the woods, small birds and mammals had flourished once more and she had fashioned a bow and arrow out of stone and wood a few years ago, and has been hunting with it ever since. After a few tries in the woods, she only caught two squirrels so she headed towards the only running river left in the valley to quickly catch some fish before the rest of the group awoke.

When she arrived at the river, it was apparent someone had beaten her there- Echo.

She was perched on a rock formation that overlooked the area. She was still, and spun around when she felt Clarke's presence.

"Hey." She said, still a little startled.

"Hi." Said Clarke, quietly. "Hunting?" she asked.

"Not really. Just watching, waiting. It's been so long that I stood in the trees and smelled the earth. It's almost intoxicating to be back and smell and hear and see all of this."

"Well, this is the last patch of living anything on earth so take it all in." Clarke smirked, taking a deep inhale herself. Sometimes she would forget that only a few mile radius separated her from the harsh, dry, dead earth that had engulfed the planet.

Clarke watched Echo as she stared blankly into the woods, as if she was expecting someone to step out from the trees.

"It'll get easier." She said, seemingly startling Echo once more. "When we first landed on Earth I thought the noise was going to drive me crazy- all of the noise, it never stopped- birds, crickets, animals, the wind. There was none of that in space, and it was deafening. Soon, it'll be background noise and you won't even notice it."

Echo stood then, walking down towards Clarke. She stared at her, inquisitively, as though trying to figure out a puzzle, she was nearly biting her lip in concentration.

"Echo-" Clarke began, but was abruptly cut off.

"I can see it now." She said, softly, almost a whisper.

Clarke wanted to ask what Echo was talking about, but her confusion constricted her vocal cords.

"All of the pain, the suffering, the agony he went through- I can see why now. I wondered for so long what caused him so much pain." She paused. "You are different, good, whole." Echo said, placing a hand on Clarke's shoulder.

"I can see it now." She finished.

Clarke's thoughts were racing. "Are you talking about Bellamy?" she asked. "He was suffering?

Clarke assumed they would mourn her and move on with their new life in space, but she did not think that anyone, including Bellamy, would have such a hard time with her apparent.

Echo began recounting the events that took place on the spaceship; Bellamy's nightmares, his drunken benders, and his attempt to end it all. And it was all because of his guilt for leaving Clarke, and the deep sadness her death had brought on.

By the end of Echo's recounting, Clarke felt like she was punched in the stomach. She could barely breathe without it hurting and she wanted to run away and cry at the same time.

Conflicting emotions were coursing through her body. Some that she thought were buried long ago, now resurfaced, and others like guilt and sadness were at the spill line.

Echo and Clarke walked back to the lab in silence, partially because Echo was still taking in the sounds and sights, and Clarke was grateful for that because her mind was full of thought and emotion and worry.

Everyone was awake by the time they reached the lab, outside, stretching, chatting, smelling the earthy air just as Echo was.

"Hey! Clarke!" Raven called from Clarke's right peripheral.

She froze. "Hey Raven, what's up?"

"So I think I have a plan to get the bunker open, but would mean changing plans a bit." She said.

Raven spread out her ideas on a long table in the lab for everyone to see.

"If I can fix the drop ship and make it drive manually, we should be able to use it as a hover craft and it could help with getting the bunker open and moving the rubble that's blocking it."

"I'm pretty sure there's some steel cable in the tools compartment." Monty added.

"Sounds like a plan. How long before we can move?" Bellamy asked, looking at Raven.

"Hopefully, we'll be out of here by the end of the week." Raven said.

Everyone nodded and left the table, stating on the various tasks assigned to them.

Over the course of the week, Clarke hadn't spoken much to Bellamy unsure of what to say. He spent a lot of time helping Raven with heavy lifting or hunting with Murphy.

The day after their plan was set into motion the group decided that Bellamy and Clarke would ride in the Rover to the bunker, and Monty and Raven would fly in the hovercraft. This meant Clarke and Bellamy were going to be riding together for two days, by themselves.


	8. Chapter 8

The days to come passed in the blink of eye. Soon, the morning came where Raven jubilantly ran towards the group shouting that she had successfully finished converting the ship. She jumped into Bellamy's arms giving him a kiss on the lips. Clarke thought she saw something and needed to look away, just as Bellamy reciprocated the affection.

Later that night, she sat outside again, this time with Monty's freshly brewed hooch. The rest of the group was inside getting ready for the morning. Clarke still needed to adjust to people around, hearing sounds, having conversations- it was overwhelming.

Leaves and twigs crunched as someone came up behind her, "I'll be in soon." She said, reflexively. "Just need some air."

"Can I have some of that?" a voice she wasn't expecting broke through the darkness.

Murphy walked towards her, his pale face shining in the moonlight.

"Murphy, hey. Yeah." She said, passing him the jug.

"Thanks." He soft, shortly, sitting beside her on the log she had made her nightly seat years before her friends arrived.

"So how'd you do it? He asked, taking a swig of the hooch. "How'd you manage to survive out here by yourself for so long? I went crazy in space, well _more_ crazy, and I had people." He asked, handing the bottle back to Clarke.

Clarke thought about her answer. She briefly told Bellamy about her time alone, but they quickly moved on from it and she hasn't spoken to anyone about it since.

"I don't know." She said, simply. "I don't know how I didn't go crazy. Part of me still thinks you guys aren't here, and that I'm having a hallucinatory fit after eating some bad berries."

"That happened to you?" Murphy asked, a little shocked and a little interested.

Clarke chuckled, "More than once. I'd wake up a day or two later in the middle of the woods, unsure of how I got there. Thank god there's no predators anymore."

Murphy laughed, imagining the sight. It got quiet between them again for a bit as they looked over the ridge.

"It was all of you, I think, that kept me alive or sane or both." Clarke said. "I would imagine myself arguing with you or what you'd say if I made a decision I knew you wouldn't agree with. I would imagine my mom taking care of patients, and giving my input. I would remember conversations between Bellamy and I and what he would say if he saw that I was giving up. I did that every day for everything for every situation, for every darkness and every struggle- I spoke to you all. "

Murphy nodded, lowering his head. He wasn't much for emotion but he clearly sympathized with Clarke. "I'm sorry you had to do this alone. We all are. Bellamy especially." He said.

Clarke nodded, looking at Murphy, her eyes shining in the dim light. "Thanks Murphy, I know. You don't have to be sorry though, I did what I did so you could live."

"Bellamy would have taken your place in a heart beat, he, uh- he had a rough time…" Murphy began.

"I know… I heard what he went through. I feel terrible. I didn't know, I didn't even think he would feel so responsible."

"Are you kidding me?" Murphy raised his voice slightly. "That man would go to war for you, he- "

"Are you guys coming in?" Murphy was cut off as Raven called from the lab door.

"Yeah, we'll be right in." Clarke responded, standing with Murphy.

"What were you going to say before?" Clarke asked.

Murphy looked at her, conflict burrowed in his brow, "Nothing, let's go in before she comes back- you know how she is."


	9. Chapter 9

The morning was bright and dewy as they all stood on the unkempt grass, the sun keeping their eyes squinted and tired.

Today was the day Bellamy and Clarke left for the bunker. In two days, Raven and Monty would meet them.

"Alright, the rover is packed with everything you need. Food, water supplies, a radio and extra fuel. Don't forget your main job is to mark the trail for everyone to make their way back here. And please don't forget to check in at night. If there's a problem we'll try to find you as quickly as possible." Raven finished.

"Yes, of course. And try not to worry." Bellamy chuckled, "We'll be fine." He said, giving Raven a quick peck.

Clarke felt a mixture of excitement and nervousness as Bellamy took first shift driving the rover. She was excited about the possibility of seeing her mom again, so positively excited. And she was nervous about the two and half day journey she was taking with Bellamy. Conflict stirred in her chest cavity as she tried to shove down the confusing feelings that kept making an appearance, but the more she tried the stronger they became.

The day moved quickly, mostly with chatter about Bellamy's time in space, an asteroid that almost hit the ring, and the trail markings they made out of orange clay and huge dried leaves. They were adhered to the trees with a glue concoction Monty came up with.

The pair were sitting by the campfire, tent pitched behind them.

"So I was hoping we could talk about something now that we're alone. " Clarke blurted out.

Bellamy put down his berry stew, looking a little disconcerted, "Okay."

"I heard… from a few people that you had a hard time… when you first got to the ring. I heard that you had a hard time because… of me, because you left me."

She could tell he still felt guilty. He recoiled slightly at her final words.

"I, uh, I'm not sure what you want me to say." He stood abruptly, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"I'm not sure what I want you to say either, but they said that you, you got dark, that you tried to float yourself. Is that true, Bellamy?" Clarke asked, a surprising lump stiffening in her throat, she was not expecting to get emotional.

Bellamy had his hands on his hips, his brow furrowed in frustration. He tried to rub his temples with his index finger and thumb, hoping looking at the ground would help him find the words to say to Clarke.

"Clarke…I… I was lost for a bit… without you. I thought you were dead. I thought I left you here to die and burn up in the flames like the rest of the planet. I blamed myself. You were gone, my sister was stuck in the bunker and we had to stay in space for years."

"I felt trapped, helpless, there was nothing I could do to save you. And I lost it. The whole time we were on earth before every thing, that's what we did, we saved each other- that was our thing." Bellamy chuckled sadly, "And I failed you, it was my turn to save you and I failed and it felt like I couldn't come back from that failure."

Clarke listened, her eyes welling up in tears as Bellamy explained.

Bellamy sat down again, his eyes low and solemn. "I was so sad. We left everything and everyone behind and I couldn't even do it with my best friend. I had nightmares about trying to saving you and failing every time. It was pretty horrible for a while."

Clarke moved closer to Bellamy, facing him. She placed a hand on his face, feeling his scruff on her cool palm. His face was warm, secure, grateful. He leaned slightly towards her hand, shutting his eyes momentarily like he was making sure she as real for the hundredth time.

"I'm so sorry you felt that way, Bellamy. That was the last thing I ever wanted for you, I wanted you to be free and alive and happy!" she exclaimed, tears running down her cheeks now.

Bellamy grabbed her wrist placing her hand in between his, holding on tight.

"The worst part is I was never even gone. You went through all of that pain for nothing-"

"Not for nothing- we still left you, Clarke, alone here, trapped and isolated. You are still here, but not all of you. You are not the same and that is on me."

Clarke stood, frustration and emotion taking over, "It isn't on you, Bellamy! Jesus, stop being a martyr for once in your life! You can't save everyone! It isn't your responsibility!"

Bellamy followed suit, walking towards Clarke, "If I didn't look out for you, who would? The same goes for me- that how it was."

"Bellamy, I knew what would happen if you left without me and I still went to the tower. I made that choice, none of that is on you. I wanted to protect you and everyone else. That was my choice and mine alone, you hold no responsibility for me being stuck here! I did what I did because I love you-" Clarke cut herself off. The words, more true now than ever, flew out of her mouth before she could stop them.

There was a gleam in Bellamy's eyes, coming from the fire, but for quick moment, it almost seemed like it was coming from within.

"Yes, of course. I love you too, this is the reason we are even having this conversation." He said, matter-of-factly.

Clarke understood. He thought she meant as friends, siblings, family. The feelings she'd been feeling were spilling over the brim and she couldn't keep them contained any longer. After all, the world already ended.

"Bellamy, I am in love you. I've been in love with you this whole time, since before Primfaiya. That is what got me through the quiet, the isolation. I held onto loving you and hoping that when you finally got back that I could tell you just that and that you would say the same and we could finally be together." She laughed at herself shaking her head.

"I realize now that was the delusions of a crazy girl stuck on a planet by herself. You're with Raven now. You're spoken for. You love someone else." she finished.

Bellamy stepped towards her, closing the gap. He placed his hands on her shoulders, bringing them down to her arms. He looked at her curiously.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I just need to be sure this is real and that I'm not imagining this moment for the 1000th time." He said, a smile spreading across his face. He was in love with her too.

Bellamy's heart was racing. He realized that he was in love with Clarke long ago, but he never thought it was mutual or that it would work out. How could it be that the this whole time she felt the same?

This was the reason he had been in so much pain for so long- he thought the love of his life died and he wasn't even able to say goodbye. The final daggers that were inching their way slowly out of his heart had now disappeared completely.

Clarke looked into his eyes in disbelief, a burst of joy spreading through out her chest, filling her lungs.

She turned away from Bellamy, the moment too surreal to comprehend. She put her hand over her mouth to try and stop herself from laughing.

Bellamy, confused, placed a hand on her shoulder.

A spark of electricity jolted through her spine at his touch, and the next thing she knew she spun around and met his lips with hers. The kiss was excited and forceful and six years long over due.

They grabbed onto each other in whatever way they could. Bellamy's hand was tangled in Clarke's hair and she was gripping his shirt tightly hoping she never had to let go.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day was gloomy, grey and damp when Clarke awoke. Her eyes snapped open as a large raindrop smacked the roof of their makeshift tent; they would have to get on the move soon before they got soaked.

She rolled over onto her to side to wake Bellamy and paused for a moment to stare at his face, smooth and un-aged with sleep.

Last night was a dream, for the both of them, but morning held consequences and guilt. What they did was wrong and after everything Raven has done for the group, Clarke wasn't sure how she could ever face her.

She reached towards Bellamy's long tufts sticking out in different angles across his forehead,and pushed them back softly. His eyes slowly cracked open, blinking the sun away.

"Are we late?" he asked, his voice gravelly and dense.

"Right on time, actually." Clarke said. "It just started raining. We should go before it starts to pour."

Bellamy reached for Clarke's hand giving it a small squeeze, recognizing that last night did, in fact, happen and it was every bit of amazing as he thought it was.

Clarke, however, already had time to realize the wrong they had committed, and pulled her had away from Bellamy's, standing as she did.

"I'll start packing the rover while you get dressed. See you in ten?" she asked, trying to keep a poker face.

Bellamy looked at her with a look of understanding: last night would have to live only in the back of their minds and in the trees, in the soil, that surrounded them. At least for now, it could not live freely, openly, organically, because no matter how beautiful their love was, it was not without fault or damage or betrayal.

The day went by in a mechanical fashion. Bellamy and Clarke got into repetitive, mostly silent routine. Bellamy drove at first. Clarke rode on the back of the rover so she could hop on and off easily. She hung the marker and jumped back on. Then they switched. They only exchanged words when Raven checked in again or when it was time to eat and they were splitting the rations.

That night the fire crackled loudly against the damp wood as it tried to stay lit.

"The wood is too wet. We might need to find some buried leaves to keep this on all night…" Clarke suggested.

Bellamy had been staring into the dying flames for a while, unmoving, deep in thought. His voice startled her when he spoke.

"Can we talk about this…. about us?" he asked, gently but assertively.

Clarke nodded allowing him to continue.

"I get it, we messed up. We messed up and betrayed Raven, me more than anyone and I will tell her about this and I will have to live with it. She trusted me, she loved me, and I betrayed in the worst possible way." Bellamy admitted, quietly, his eyes facing the ground.

"And I loved her too. She was there for me in a time when I needed someone more than ever…" he paused, looking up at Clarke again.

"But I needed her, she was there, because I thought I lost _you._ My…. My heart had room for her because I thought I was never going to see you again, because you were gone forever and how else would I move on… but your alive and it's like my heart only has enough room for one of you." Bellamy stood abruptly, getting a little louder.

"And that was always you. Now that I know you're alive I can't help but feel the way I did six years ago, no matter how much I loved or cared for Raven. And that's so unfair, I know it is, I hate myself for even saying this but it's all true." Bellamy sat next to Clarke, placing his hand on hers.

"Clarke, it's always been you and I don't want to want to deny that or hide it, but I get it. I know we can't do this right now, but I just want you to know that I want to and I will do what needs to be done mend the damage we have done. I will wait and I hope you will too.

Clarke looked away from Bellamy as her eyes were welling up with tears. She knew this was wrong, but she felt an overwhelming mixture of guilt and surging happiness. Raven would be crushed, and they wouldn't be able to be together at first, out of respect, whatever was left, but they would be able to, eventually, and that is what she would hold onto.

"What are a few more days, or weeks, or months?" Clarke laughed, slightly. "It's already been 6 years."

Bellamy squeezed Clarke's hand slightly as the dying fire crackled and sparked against the forest floor, leaving charred bits of wood and cooled embers in it's wake.


	11. Chapter 11

What remained of Polis loomed in the distance as the sun rose beyond the valley. Mounds of rubble and charred earth made up the once teeming city, an eerie, sick feeling settled into Bellamy's gut. Haunts of the past ran through his mind as he drove slowly through the narrow paths, recalling different moments around the city that was no more. Clarke grabbed his hand as they moved further and further into the ruins, hoping today was the day they would finally be reunited with their family.

They made the rest of the trip on foot, the rover not able to move any further as the ruins grew too close and dense for a path.

Bellamy looked at his watch as they arrived at the point where the hatch should be.

"They should be here soon." He stated, nervously.

It had been so long since he saw his sister this almost didn't feel real. He wouldn't believe he would see her again until he could hug her tight in his arms and see his own brown, angry eyes staring back at him.

"Are you nervous?" he asked, Clarke. She was pacing in front of him and stopped abruptly.

"Not nervous, just… ready." He said.

A low rumble came into earshot and the pair's eyes averted to the sky, it was the drop ship coming from the west, from home.

"Here goes nothing." Bellamy said. Clarke looked at him before they came into view of the drop ship and she grabbed his hand quickly giving it a tight squeeze before releasing it.

The drop ship was now directly above them and a long cable dropped from the hatch, Monty's face came into view, giving them a thumbs up. Bellamy grabbed the cable and clipped it to a twisted piece of rebar that jutted out of the huge slab of concrete that was blocking the hatch.

Clarke gave a thumbs up to Monty before moving out of the way.

The concrete slab began to shift and crumble slightly as the drop ship pulled it from its resting place.

As first the slab barely moved, only quaking slightly at the tug. "Give it all you got, Raven." Bellamy said over the radio.

"You don't have to tell me twice." She replied. The jets of the drop ship blasted backward, and in no time the slab grunted and slid out, leaving a gaping hole: the entrance to the bunker open for the first time in six years.

Clarke couldn't help herself, she ran towards the bunker entrance, disappearing into the ground. Bellamy ran after her as he saw the drop descend.

"Clarke, wait!" he shouted, grabbing her arm just before she started to turn the hatch.

"Bellamy, what? Our family is waiting!" she exclaimed.

"I just… what if they're not?" he asked, quietly. "What if they ran out of food years ago and there is no one left down there?"

Clarke was about to open her mouth to object, to say that it was a risk she would take a million times over it meant seeing her mother again, when she heard a bang. It started quietly, and then it grew to a roar.

There were people down there, alive, lots of them.

The hatch opened in last than a minute, a few forceful tugs from Clarke and Bellamy and the door swung open.

People began to flood out running towards the sunlight. They were all pale, drawn, skinny, but they were alive. The pair stood by the entrance waiting for faces they recognized. After about an hour, Jackson and Miller exited holding onto to each other, bearded and hesitant.

"Clarke? Bellamy?" Miller shouted, leaving Jackson's side to hug them both at the same time.

"Oh my god, I thought I'd never see you guys again. You did this? You got us out?"

Bellamy laughed, "It's good to see you too. And yeah, Raven and Monty are outside. We used the drop ship to move the concrete."

"Drop ship? You guys got it working again?" He asked, incredulously.

Bellamy paused briefly, "Uh, not exactly. It's a long story." He said, his eyes shifting to Clarke quickly.

"Have you seen my sister?" Bellamy inquired, changing the topic to a more pressing matter.

Miller diverted his eyes to Jackson, a worry line immediately creasing his forehead.

"Jackson, did you see my mom on the way out?" Clarke rushed in.

The same worried look appeared on Jackson's face. "Maybe we should head out and talk in a more quiet area." He suggested.

The four of them walked a bit, away from the rejoicing and glee that had taken place outside of the bunker as more and more people exited.

Miller and Jackson caught Bellamy and Clarke up on the last six years they endured. Octavia becoming Blood Reina. Eating human flesh to survive. The fighting pits. Abby succumbing to pills to cope. Kane trying to keep the peace, but ultimately getting thrown in jail.

"You are wonkru or the enermy of wonkru." Miller recited as he finished telling them what seemed like a tale about some horrible place that only existed in books.

The next several hours were painstakingly slow as they waited for everyone to exit the bunker. Small campfires started to pop up around the ruins as the sun started to dip below the horizon.

Bellamy locked eyes with Raven for the first time all day. They were both busy with so many things, saying hi to so many people, Bellamy had nearly forgotten entirely to say hello to his girlfriend.

"Hey," he said, simply, bringing her into a tight embrace. She felt different in his arms now.

"Hey!" she responded, more excited than him. "I can't believe we actually pulled it off. I mean I thought at least one thing would have gone wrong but it was perfect!" Bellamy was proud of Raven for pulling off the impressive feat and a week ago they would be jumping around in excitement together, but everything has changed.

"How was the trip down? No trouble, right?" she said, holding onto his waist.

Bellamy's guilt made his throat close slightly, and he felt hot, unsure of what to say, "Uh… yeah-"

A silence swept through the camp then, and he turned his head to see someone, flanked by three others, coming towards the center of the crowd.

She was pale, but dark. Her eyes were smeared red, her hair was jet-black and cut at shoulder length. She looked like a wraith; she looked like death had come in a female, lethal form. It was Octavia.


End file.
